


Waving Through a Window

by Deviant_Donghun



Series: Sanders Sides One Shots [29]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Character Study, Gen, Song fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-11
Updated: 2020-10-11
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:28:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26955847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deviant_Donghun/pseuds/Deviant_Donghun
Summary: A character study of pre-AA Virgil disguised as a song fic of Waving Through a Window from Dear Evan Hansen.
Series: Sanders Sides One Shots [29]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1962379
Kudos: 8





	Waving Through a Window

Virgil knew he didn’t fit in. He knew the dark sides saw him as different, knew the light sides saw him as a dark side. He knew he wasn’t wanted, didn’t belong. For the most part, he was fine with that. Sure, it got lonely, but he learned how to appreciate the silence, learned to be comfortable alone.

There were times when he really didn’t feel like he belonged, like when Roman did nothing but insult him when he showed up for a video, or when Remus did a movie night with things that triggered Virgil’s panic attacks. He knew he wasn’t allowed to sit on the counter and chat while Patton tried to make cookies, he knew Logan’s door was closed when he needed to vent, knew Roman would never want to debate Disney things with him again without someone else in the room.

He was always gonna be on the outside looking in, so why bother? He was tapping on the figurative window, practically pounding on it. His face may have been neutral or even antagonistic at times, but all he really wanted to do was belong, to be accepted. He also knew that that wasn’t going to happen. He tried to speak up sometimes but inevitably got spoken over, not a single side listening. 

Eventually, he cut out the middle man. He didn’t try to talk, didn’t try to offer his input unless it seemed it was needed. He managed to keep his opinions to a minimum, even that getting ignored when not needed. Soon, he wondered if any of this was worth it anymore. If he had to be intimidating just to be heard and actually listened to, what was the point?

So, he decided to duck out. He sank back to his room and locked the door, cutting off his influence. Yes, this meant that he had to deal with it being in a contained space and attacking him, but if it meant that Thomas was fine, he was cool with that. And, hearing the other’s discuss his absence, they seemed to be fine with it too. He stepped out of the sunlight in order to avoid the inevitable sunburn that came with it, and everyone seemed fine with it. 

Until they weren’t. Sure, he heard them discussing coming to his room and needed Thomas to unlock it for them, but he just chalked it up to them throwing out and away ideas. He hadn’t expected them to actually come. So, when they did, he was surprised to say the least. He can’t say it wasn’t nice to see the other sides groveling and hearing them say all these nice things about him. He also knew it was just superficial and all for Thomas’ sake. 

With this in mind, he wasn’t exactly surprised when Logan came back after the main video session, having seen him eyeing the book on the table. Virgil didn’t have the heart to tell him that he’d left it in the common room and Virgil had been interested and picked it up, meaning to return it within the week anyways.

When Roman came in, he half expected him to try to make amends away from Thomas but all he did was ask to have his posters, the one thing he thought he might get a compliment on. He hadn’t thought Roman would see them and immediately think Virgil didn’t deserve them. It hurt, but he played it off.

When Patton came in, Virgil wasn’t sure what to expect. Was he going to get scolded for the curtains? Was Patton going to demand he show up in the common room more often? Was he going to find something in Virgil’s room that might look better in Patton’s? Did Virgil accidentally take something from Patton that he now wants back? Needless to say, he was presently surprised when it was just a card. 

He still didn’t trust that they wanted him around. Patton kept the counters cluttered and Roman usually occupied the table so Virgil couldn’t sit and watch the escapades into food. Logan’s door remained shut and the few times it was left a crack open, Virgil knew it was by accident. The one time he poked his head around the half open door, Logan was too deep into his work to notice.

Their lives seemed to go on as normal, the slight exception was that Virgil was called out of his room more often. He no longer felt like he was trying to communicate from the other side of a window, but rather sitting at the edge of a plaza while the others were on the other side. He never knew if he would ever be accepted, never knew if he would ever be noticed by the others in a way that he was comfortable with, never knew if he would ever be more than just Anxiety to them. For now, he was happy with where he was.


End file.
